Let’s face it—Santa has some issues. The biggest ones are obvious. His belly is out of control, and he works literally one day a year. No one’s willing to talk about it, but I think it would do him some good. Here’s how Christmas would be dramatically different if Santa had testosterone replacement…
- Kids no longer sit on his lap. Santa’s protruding fat once made a comfortable seat for children. The testosterone lowered that fat and made his belly flatter and firmer. Children got sick of the shoddy back support.
- Christmas every week. Since his energy spiked, Santa felt good enough to deliver presents every week. Unfortunately, “good” children are now “spoiled” children. They expect gifts every week and it’s not even that special.
- Rudolf hates his job. Santa can carry a massive amount of presents now that his strength and endurance are high again. This was bad news for Rudolf and the other reindeer, whose cargo-load has increased exponentially. Rudolf misses the days when he was a loser.
- Naughty kids revolt. Santa’s memory and brain function are sharper, so he can now remember every naughty deed committed. Kids who once slipped through the cracks are no longer getting presents. Three toddlers led an armed revolt that was eventually squelched by the national guard.
- Mrs. Clause is obsessed with mistletoe. Santa’s better half has been spotted placing hundreds of mistletoes around her house. When an elfin reporter pushed her on this new obsession, she cheerfully mumbled something about her husband’s “new libido.” The North Pole’s entire population is thoroughly confused.
The face of Christmas was changed by Santa’s new testosterone. His strength, energy, lowered body fat, and libido were restored. Despite the unhappiness of Rudolf, Santa found himself and his wife pleased with the new developments.
If you feel like you’re lacking that boost, The Broadway Clinic can provide you with a simple blood tests to see if your testosterone levels are low. If so, your strength and energy can be restored with BHRT testosterone replacement.